


Anger

by kruk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano-centric, English is not my native language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 15:47:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20392174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kruk/pseuds/kruk
Summary: When she grew up in Jedi Temple, she was told that anger is bad. It corrupts a good person and leads to the Dark Side. Jedi never should act on such emotion, never should feel it. The lack of passion, lack of emotions is what makes person a good Jedi. Ahsoka wanted to be a good Jedi, so she never questioned her teachers. They were after all masters, older and wiser than her.Then came war.





	Anger

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked for anger/violent headcanon for Ahsoka and it somehow ended longer than I have planned. So why not post it here anyway? Enjoy!

Ahsoka wasn’t prone to anger by nature. She was very bright child, who loved - and was loved - unconditionally. There was nothing to be angry about when she lived with family on her native planet. At least until bad people showed up one day and took her away from safe home.

She didn't feel anger then, not really, because cold fear filled her up; she was so small and helpless. But the Jedi came and saved her from bad people, and her parents decided she would be much safer at Jedi Temple, so little Ahsoka agreed. She connected to Jedi in a way she never did with anyone. There was no anger at her family. Something inside her mind, some voice she never heard before but knew it means no harm to her, said it's right thing to do.

When she grew up in Jedi Temple, she was told that anger is bad. It corrupts a good person and leads to the Dark Side. Jedi never should act on such emotion, never should feel it. The lack of passion, lack of emotions is what makes person a good Jedi. Ahsoka wanted to be a good Jedi, so she never questioned her teachers. They were after all masters, older and wiser than her.

Then came war.

At first, Ahsoka was excited. She trained her whole life to serve Republic and in her young mind she already saw all the great adventures awaiting her, all the chances to prove how good Jedi she was. She wasn't chosen as padawan by anyone for years, and the older she grew the more she feared that Council will finally sent her away, far, far away from Temple, from people she knew, from things she understand. She wasn't angry at the thought though, just scared to be the drop out, the failure. The members of Jedi Council were wise. Wiser than anyone else. There was no point to be angry at their decision. Being angry would only prove she wasn't worth to be Jedi. Simple.

After all, she was chosen by no one else than Anakin Skywalker. The one rumored to be special among Jedi. Destined to do great things. Ahsoka was willing to do everything to prove she was worth the honor. Only to learn, he did never ask for padawan.

She was frustrated, yes. Not angry. Anger was bad and after all, she was where master Yoda ordered her to be. He said, she was meant to be his student, and she would not have it any other way. But the first mission wasn't that great fun like she imagined. People were dying. She almost died too. But she survived and was accepted as padawan by Skywalker. Everything seemed to be alright.

Except it wasn't.

The more days passed, the more tightly something clutched her inside. Ahsoka wasn't prone to anger by nature, but which every battle, she fought more furious. It wasn't anger, she kept thinking, while cutting droids in half, while piercing through the living body of enemies. Killing people once seemed so cruel, so devastating, so overwhelming, she couldn't think straight for days. Now, it was nothing to dwell on. She was protecting her troopers, her comrades. Dead enemy couldn't kill them, couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

Her master understood. Her master cared, for her, for troopers, for those dragged into chaos and scarred by war. It made him angry at times; his blue eyes burned with rage every time when they freed those forced to work, brutalized, tortured by enemy. His anger didn't seem bad, not like Jedi taught her. It gave him strength to fight harder, gave him courage to shield those who couldn't protect themselves.

They were doing good things.

Saving lives.

But she was afraid to feel anger the way he felt. To embrace own emotions, to feel pain of others and act on it. He was special. He was meant to be something different. She was good Jedi. She wanted to be good Jedi. To feel nothing.

Sometimes she did not feel at all. Then she slept with no dreams about blood and death. Then killing came much easier. Sometimes, the numbness felt like peace.

Anger made her feel too much. Hurt too much.

She was a good Jedi. Until she wasn't Jedi anymore. Just like that. One decision and her life, her dreams, her self-confidence was no more the same.

When she sit in prison, waiting for the process with only two people still believing in her innocence, there was no anger. No fear. Nothing but sadness.

Her master proved she was innocent, and maybe it was anger that once again gave him strength to deny orders, to seek justice, to seek truth. But she couldn't come back to Order. She couldn't stay at Temple any minute longer. She was broken. Not worth the trust. She was so lost and she needed to find herself again. Far away from Jedi Council, from her home, even from her master.

The farest from Coruscant she went, the more feelings filled her up. Some made sense to her, some not. Some took time to understand, to tame, to accept. The farest from Order she went, the more obvious became that galaxy was different place than what she was told. Than what she saw on frontlines. That there was little love for Jedi. That slaves and poorest were overlooked and forgotten by Republic more often than not.

It took Ahsoka years to understand, that people could feel strong emotions - good or bad - and did not become bad. That cold, unemotional Light could be no less terrifying and cruel than selfish, burning Dark Side.

To understand that she was hurt and feeling anger was right.

And Ahsoka was very, very angry.

Angry at masters that gave her rules to follow, the wisdom no one was allowed to argue. Angry at all of those who made her think friendship was false and caring dangerous. Angry at all Jedi promises and words she believed so firmly, with so reverence but turned to be just lies. Angry at their betrayal.

But she was no longer Jedi. She was angry and anger will give her strength to start over. To learn how to live in dark times. She was angry and for the first time free.

  
  



End file.
